


Numb

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drug Use, Hurt Dean, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 07:10:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9424973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dean had been self medicating since before hell but he always could stop when he wanted to. It's becoming harder to want to stop, and harder to hide his addiction from Sam or Cas. He's saved the world so many times and gave up so much for it, doesn't he deserve a happy ending? Quite frankly the drugs are what keeps him pleasant. Most don't like the real Dean so he stays high, and smiles. He's actually high when she arrives. His daughter who can also appreciate self medication.





	

Dean stretches on his bed much like a cat and then yawns softly. He glanced at his clock and saw that it was actually pretty late, 9:35. He groans when he stands and shuffles to the bathroom in his dead man's robe.  
He washes his face then brushes his teeth before pulling at a loose tile. It comes free from the wall and inside are four little bags. One is filled with power and the rest pills.  
He rifles through them before deciding on just taking some Lorcet, Norco, and a sniff of powder. He shallows down the pill with some tap water. Dean then taps out some cocaine onto the counter and bends over bringing his nose to it. He is OCD as fuck and draws out two even lines then uses both nostrils to inhale them.  
Dean sighs content when he finally enters the kitchen fully dressed and fully numb. He sighs once again when he finds out that Sam drank all the coffee. Whatever the last beer in the fridge was calling his name.  
"Sam! You eat yet?" He yells towards the library.  
"Yeah, cereal." Sam says padding into the kitchen carrying a empty bowl. Eh Dean wasn't that hungry he'd wait to eat when he made lunch. Dean walked past Sam and into the common room settling down onto the couch.  
"Yell at me if you find a case m'kay?" He calls out at Sam. The taller brother rolls his eyes.  
"Don't be lazy Dean, if you want a case you've gotta help me. I'm done doing all the research I have a life." Dean just huffs and stands again to join Sam in the map room. He doesn't notice the warm blood trickling from his nose, he's too numb. Sam sees it first instead  
"Dude you're bleeding." Dean reaches up to his nose feeling a tickle there. Sam looks concerned but only for a moment before he says  
"Please don't get any on the table." Dean complies. As he wanders absently down the hall he for some reason thinks about Dad. He tries thinking about why those memories are flooding him currently. Then he remembers how glaringly like John Sam is. Sam of course would never see it, or at least never admit to it. However Dean saw it, and well...It kind of hurt.  
John was selfish. Dean had to admit it after so many years.He took his young sons on a revenge trip across the country hunting monsters. He risked their lives and never gave them a chance at normalcy. In the end he cared for Mary's memory more then her legacy.  
Sam's first thoughts where for himself. He was a good kid, adult he'd argue, but in the end he always would think of others second. Which was a good thing really, it would ensure his survival. Dean was the one who taught Sammy that anyways. Sammy just learned it well enough to at times forget about Dean. It hurt.  
"Dean?" A low voice interrupted Dean's thoughts and his intense starring contest with the now bloody floor.  
"Dean what's wrong? Are you okay?" Huh funny, it seemed like his Angel never stopped asking him that. Dean looked up and grinned to reassure Cas. He patted him on the back and cursed internally when he felt a shock. Touching Cas always reminded him of what he could never have. Cas was too good for him, he had already given Dean his life and family. Dean was a poor replacement for those.  
"I'm fine, just a bloody nose it's normal." It wasn't normal. He wasn't fine. It wasn't just a bloody nose. When did his whole life become a lie?  
"May I?" Cas asked as he raised his hand to touch Dean. Dean pushed it away, he didn't deserve Cas' grace. Cas looked momentarily hurt then said softly.  
"My grace has been restored Dean, Please? Dispite what you may think, you deserve many things but never pain." Dean was too damn high for this. He sighed then nodded at Cas. Cas smiled and healed him but frowned. Dean knit his brows together wondering were his high went then realized. Shit.

**Author's Note:**

> Should I continue? Idk. Make it sad? Happy? Destiel?


End file.
